Posted on October 15, 2018

#Blogtober18 Day 15 – Ones Who Couldn’t Stay


During October I am taking part in #Blogtober18, where I write a blog post everyday for the whole month. Mandi over at Big Family Organised Chaos is hosting a linky each day where she also gives a prompt for us to write about. Today’s prompt is ‘Ones Who Couldn’t Stay’ for #babylossawarenessweek.

Baby loss awareness week runs from the 9th-15th of October every year and each year on the 15th they hold the global wave of light. I never forget this because 9 years to this day is the day that I miscarried my third baby. At the beginning of October I began to bleed, not a great deal but I thought I’d better get checked out so I made an appointment with my GP who sent me straight to the hospital where I had an internal scan and was told that my baby’s heart had stopped beating at around 8 weeks old. Everything that went on after that was a complete blur to me but apparently I was given the option of going home to miscarry my baby naturally or return for a D&C.

I remember just going along with whatever was happening and not really thinking about what I wanted to do so we made an appointment for a D&C and went home. A few days later my D&C appointment came and we went into hospital but after a couple of hours of waiting around to be taken down to theatre everything became clear to me. I wanted to go home, I wanted to know when I was miscarrying my baby, I wanted to feel everything, the pain and the loss. So I got dressed and went home.

The 15th October 2009 was the day I lost my baby, 11 weeks pregnant shopping in Ikea. I named him Olly and bought myself a necklace to always remember the baby that didn’t stay. I think about him often but he just wasn’t to be.

I didn’t realise until I actually had a miscarriage that it was so common, people just don’t seem to talk about it. Lots of people sent their condolences and shared their own baby loss stories with me which really helped ease my pain. I got pregnant with Bugs the month after I miscarried, at 12 weeks I started bleeding again but was thankful to find out that his little heart was still beating and there was no reason for the bleeding that time. I was lucky! I am lucky but I often long to have my four children running around and not just three.


On 15th October at 7pm, join families across the world in remembering all babies that have died too soon. Light a candle or join virtually, by posting a photo of your candle with #WaveOfLight.

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  • Reply Melanie williams October 17, 2018 at 11:22 am

    I have such a gulp in my throat right now. This is super sad to read and a nice way of paying remembrance xx

  • Reply With love from p October 16, 2018 at 9:25 pm

    What a beautifully written post!! I’m so sorry to hear of your angel! The necklace is simply beautiful
    , a constant reminder.

  • Reply Rachael October 16, 2018 at 6:32 pm

    It’s sad to read about your loss. Buying yourself a necklace is a nice way to remember him. I too never knew how common they were until it happened to me.

  • Reply Nafisah NK October 16, 2018 at 3:26 pm

    This is so sad, I am sorry for your loss. You got a lovely necklace to remember him and I am glad you didn’t lose the next pregnancy xx

  • Reply Wendy October 16, 2018 at 3:14 pm

    That necklace is so lovely and what a beautiful way to remember your baby boy. I’m so sorry you went through this but thank you for sharing your story and for raising awareness, baby loss is so common and people need to talk about their experiences so no one going through this heartbreak needs to feel alone xx

  • Reply Marie Blake October 16, 2018 at 2:25 pm

    It was beautiful to see all the lights on social media last night. It’s such a lovely necklace to remember your little one taken too soon.

  • Reply Naomi Hassan October 16, 2018 at 12:13 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss, that necklace is a beautiful reminder of your Angel #Blogtober18

  • Reply Sabina Green October 15, 2018 at 6:40 pm

    I am so sorry to read this. You are right it is sad how common miscarriage is and that lots don’t even talk about it. All these babies deserve to be remembered and it is lovely that you have the necklace to remember Olly by x

  • Reply Laura: Adventures with J October 15, 2018 at 4:30 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I think it is a lovely idea to get the necklace. I lost my baby at 10 weeks and although I have a name for her I never bought anything to remember her by. I think this would have been lovely to do.

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