During October I am taking part in #Blogtober18, where I write a blog post everyday for the whole month. Mandi over at Big Family Organised Chaos is hosting a linky each day where she also gives a prompt for us to write about. Today’s prompt is ‘Ones Who Couldn’t Stay’ for #babylossawarenessweek.
Baby loss awareness week runs from the 9th-15th of October every year and each year on the 15th they hold the global wave of light. I never forget this because 9 years to this day is the day that I miscarried my third baby. At the beginning of October I began to bleed, not a great deal but I thought I’d better get checked out so I made an appointment with my GP who sent me straight to the hospital where I had an internal scan and was told that my baby’s heart had stopped beating at around 8 weeks old. Everything that went on after that was a complete blur to me but apparently I was given the option of going home to miscarry my baby naturally or return for a D&C.
I remember just going along with whatever was happening and not really thinking about what I wanted to do so we made an appointment for a D&C and went home. A few days later my D&C appointment came and we went into hospital but after a couple of hours of waiting around to be taken down to theatre everything became clear to me. I wanted to go home, I wanted to know when I was miscarrying my baby, I wanted to feel everything, the pain and the loss. So I got dressed and went home.
The 15th October 2009 was the day I lost my baby, 11 weeks pregnant shopping in Ikea. I named him Olly and bought myself a necklace to always remember the baby that didn’t stay. I think about him often but he just wasn’t to be.
I didn’t realise until I actually had a miscarriage that it was so common, people just don’t seem to talk about it. Lots of people sent their condolences and shared their own baby loss stories with me which really helped ease my pain. I got pregnant with Bugs the month after I miscarried, at 12 weeks I started bleeding again but was thankful to find out that his little heart was still beating and there was no reason for the bleeding that time. I was lucky! I am lucky but I often long to have my four children running around and not just three.
JOIN THE GLOBAL WAVE OF LIGHT
On 15th October at 7pm, join families across the world in remembering all babies that have died too soon. Light a candle or join virtually, by posting a photo of your candle with #WaveOfLight.