During October I am taking part in #Blogtober18, where I write a blog post everyday for the whole month. Mandi over at Big Family Organised Chaos is hosting a linky each day where she also gives a prompt for us to write about. Today’s prompt is ‘never doing that again’ but I haven’t really done anything that I don’t think I would do again. I’ve made mistakes but I don’t think I’d be the same person if I hadn’t. So I’m going to talk about something that I’m never doing again with a bit of sadness really and that is I’m never having anymore babies.
Having babies was something that I was born to do! From a very early age I wanted to have loads of kids, at secondary school I had decided that I would have six kids and I already had all of their names (incidentally I never used any of them) so it really wasn’t a big surprise to anyone when I fell pregnant at the age of eighteen.
After falling pregnant with my first child so easily I expected it to be just as easy the second time but that is just where I was wrong. I went through 7 years of tests, fertility drugs then sadly my relationship fell apart and I became a single mum. I accepted that I’d probably not have anymore children and then I met James.
After a couple of years we thought it might be nice to have a baby of our own and James obviously knew of my previous troubles so we were really expecting to get pregnant at all but I did to our huge surprise on our second cycle of trying… so along came Boo and then a few years later Bugs came along with even less trying.
When I was told not to have any more after my third section I was heart broken. I didn’t quite know how to continue with life at that point… babies were my everything? What would I do? How could I live without a baby in my arms?
Thankfully I have finally got to the point in my life now where I know that I do not want to have anymore children. I never thought I would get here. I have grieved for the babies that I’d never have and now I’m just looking forward to the future with the three amazing children that I have been incredibly blessed with and I’m looking forward to enjoying some me time which I haven’t had a great deal of over the last 22 years 🙂